As he sent her a Whatsapp from across the globe – seventeen hours in time difference – he casually revealed the punch line:
They broke up.
Should she send her condolences? Drop a cliche line of comfort?
No need.
She was genuinely unsorry for the break up, the way that I have been unsorry for all of mine.
Sorry, I’m not sorry.
It is not the individuals that are broken, but rather an independence that is gained.
A break up is freedom. Single, is free.
Free to pursue one’s selfish desires in work, family, friendship, travel, and leisure.
Free to invest our time, money, and energy on our “self.”
Free to meet the person it should have been all along.
If we’re “taken” by the wrong person, how are we supposed to meet the right one?
After all, someone once said that when we meet the right person we’ll suddenly understand why no one else worked out.
So while she could have politely responded with “I’m so sorry to hear that,” she didn’t.
She was unsorry for the opportunities he had gained.
Because while making sacrifices for the ones we care about — getting that job you must take, staying in that city, sharing our time — is worth the right person, it is just that: for the right person. To be clear, in no way am I implying that commitment is a burden, but like everything else, it’s a cost-benefit equation.
He had realized his autonomy. Again he could prioritize to country hop, he could explore his career options and continue to explore himself.
Could he possibly have done that with her? Perhaps.
But when two became one, one became free. Free to find the one, that was the one all along.
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S H O P
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In a world where societal norms often dictate that we should offer condolences or pity when a relationship ends, your take is a breath of fresh air. It reminds us that not all separations are unfortunate – sometimes, they’re the stepping stones to finding our authentic selves and, eventually, the right person who truly aligns with our journey.
Cheers,
Femi.